Announcement:
I rarely, as in rarely, get to check on this site anymore. Much less update it. Feel free to view my other site, www.seasonsgreetings.multiply.com for the newest pics and blog entries (or at least when I try to write).
The wait is over. I feel my heart thumping on my throat. But I am no less than positive that once we get this thing over and done with, its a done deal. I REALLY am going to have the best birthday/Christmas this year!!!
I should just stop doubting, and continue looking into the future with nothing but a positive attitude. No thinking of shoulda-woulda-couldas.
My batchmate Elaine left a very nice comment on my friendster blog. She commented on how we make plans of love, but sometimes, it just requires a leap of faith. Once I know firmly where I stand, where we stand, I think I am just about ready.
I am happy being single, being myself. I am getting to do everything I only wished I could do. Things I knew I always wanted to do but simply never had the opportunity to. Now I am living my life. But there has always been that single most thing lacking. Maybe that leap is what I need to fully experience the beauty of the life I have. Maybe, destiny or fate or the universe is telling me that among the things given to me in a silver platter, this one, that would make me happiest, would ask me to take that leap. Bluff me to the end to finally take the risk, the gamble. When I know what the last card is, I will take that chance.
I have waited too long, too long. This will be mine. This will be the icing on my cake. And I WILL have the best birthday ever.
Its our weeksary today. Same time last week I was sitting on a couch across him as he opened the wine. Then the rest, is history.
He will be gone for a week, but it would seem like the longest week of my life. I am not so sure how different (or same) things will be when he returns. All I can do is rely on his word that we will see each other again when he returns. I hope I do, as I cannot wait to start all over again. This time taking my time, never rushing and just taking everything as it is without expectations.
I have only been in love once. It took me almost 5 years to get into that weird relationship and out and get over. Its only now that I know I have moved on. I hope the next guy, will not turn out to be another heartache. I think I know more now, and think better. I am trying to consider every possibility, or lack thereof, of the situation I am in now. I just hope that I have learned my lesson, and will decide to learn new things the easier and uncomplicated way.
And as I think through my emotions (and lose weight and gain pimples in the process) I can only, only pray that I wasnt wrong about this man.
Its the end of an era as Gene puts it. I feel happy, sad, emotional, distant, paranoid, lost, at the same time focused.
Its a mix of thousand emotions and a million thoughts. So pretty much that is like having to play pick-up-sticks with my life. After being held together for so long, in a split second, everythings just scattered all over. Then I have to slowly pick them up again and make sure the other sticks, that is the other points of my life, dont move.
I know im overreacting. Its only been a day. And its not like I got ten messages before and suddenly got none. It is the usual. I never really did get more than two messages except for that night. But then again, situation called for more messages.
Maybe its the paranoid in me. As always, I overreact.
But dont take me wrong. I still am happy with my life. Just that things got a bit more complicated. I am different. Its time to finally grow up. Im a woman now. I should be able to handle this.
The secret: is to continue to ask, believe and accept. I know in time, I will still end up with the guy who made the bar stool comfortable.
I can still hear my heart responding to the whistle.
Tonight was one of the best nights I have ever had! Happy 5th birthday, Havana Greenbelt! Havana isnt Havana without the music, and it being its birthday, naturally the music just got louder, better, and simply fantastic! Two of my fave bands played tonight, Arriba and Guarana. Singers of both bands have become my acquaintances, with Eileen (Guarana) it feels like we have known each other for a long time! Then there were Christine, who is simply amazing when she dances, Willy boy my boy, haha, who is gracious enough to give me a spin, and the servers who have all become part of my little circle. That is, Tina and I. Haha!
All started out with a plan to just go since Flora Purim, of the Sergio Mendes classic ‘Briges’ song, was coming over to perform. So off I went with Tina. We both were just there last night just dancing the night away. Nothing eventful but fun as well, as I think I burned the heels of my shoe dancing the salsa AND the samba and sweating what would normally be a months worth of sweat just doing my normal routine. Fell into a deep sleep on the way there even, since I already had a late night and still had to report for work this morning.
So we decided to just have dinner at Havana just to make sure we had the best seats of the house. Without choice, we sat at the bar with uncomfy bar stools to feast on our sisig and rice meal. With mojitos. Sisig and Rice. For people like Tina and I who can down 3 cups of rice between us both and two platters of scallops, with side order of salmon belly and grilled eggplant, the sisig and rice was rather — a modest meal. HAHAHA! But that was better than trying to act like a ‘lady’ and eating nothing but calamari then be famished after two hours! So keri na.
Night started slow, but when the Samba band began to play, mood turned festive. And I mean Mardi-Gras-of-Rio festive! Not just happy. Festive. It was getting a taste of Brazil, at its best! Music was FANTASTIC and the people, Brazilians, Americans, French and Pinoys just couldnt enjoy more! I was dancing like I have never danced before! The two tuesdays spent trying to samba proved worthy since I did get to do some moves with the beats that I only hear in Havana.
After that, things only got better. They had a raffle for guests since they were in a celebratory mood anyways, and my name was first picked as a raffle winner, where I got to have a pitcher of classic mojito. Now of course my concern then was how the heck to down the pitcher between Tina and I?! But that was the least of my concerns apparently, because one Guarana played Magalenha, this after getting our pics taken with Flora and Airto, things just got wild! And I MEAN wild, hahaha!
There was the showdown-amidst-this-crowd with Samba dancers who of course, I was only trying to mimic, then there was Marcus, the Argentinian businessman who just began dancing with me, and I, with him, in a not-so-conventional way. I guess for those who go out, doing the kind of dance we did IS conventional, haha! Then there was this seemingly Indian, or could’ve been Lebanese guy (basta from the middle east) whom I also did the dance with. He was kind enough to comment I danced great. The Argentinian, by some force of nature or whatever, just told me ‘I was making things hard for him’. Whatever that was. We got into a quick discussion about his life, telling me he was married while I was here just dancing! haha!But I did give that poor boy a problem because until the moment we went home, he was telling me to ‘give it’ to him and dance with him again, hahahah! But in fairness to me, he wasnt too bad at all. He looked very distinguished and very good looking. Matured but hot. I do have taste.
Then in the middle of house music playing, Tina tells me to go with her as she goes for a smoke. For some reason I get trapped within the pile of people coming in and lost her. So I went back in and thought I had to pee. Who knew going for a pee would be the start of something GREAT!
Bag was placed quietly under the bar table, which wisely had hooks for women’s bags. And there was this good looking man just on my way to get my things. I excused myself, he smiles, and moves so I can get my stuff. I line up the ladies room and the world starts to turn since I think I had too much of the mojito pitcher. Things become heavy and my temples seem to pulsate. But it being that time of the month, I realize I forgot to bring along my bestfriend during these times and go back to where my bag is to get my ’supply’. I get into a short conversation with this guy, hi, hello, excuse me I need my bag, thanks then I line back up and finish what I lined up for.
Then I realize this guy was a looker when I got back. I got a glass of water and by some divine intervention the seat next to him empties up. I sit. I watch. Then I say ‘Hi’. For the second time. And the rest is history.
We probably spent an hour talking about his life, my life, his job, my job, his hobbies, my hobbies. I find out he speaks 6 languages fluently and speaks a little of Tagalog and South African, has a PhD from Cambridge University, his mom is English, dad is Dutch but was born in South Africa and has travelled the world since dad works for a department for the United Nations. He also sings and used to be a tenor in a choir back in UK. With all those credentials, and him being cute — BE STILL MY HEART!
I felt a good vibe, a good connection. We were able to discuss so much in the hour we spent, and it didnt seem like an hour. We got to talk that deep despite music really playing as loud as it can get. He made me laugh, and I made him laugh. I liked him the moment I saw him and liked him better after talking to him.
Andre, is simply great! Who knew the uncomfy bar stool I sat in for dinner would seem like the best seat in the house when speaking with him? I didnt seem to notice that the bar stool gave me a problem finding the comfortable seating position. Suddenly, it just was.
We might meet up again for Friday, since again, for some divine intervention, the event I have is with Shell, which has long been Dutch-owned, and Andre is more than welcome to drop by.
Until Friday, I think I will take things easy and allow myself to get carried away by the slightest possibility that life, may still get better than what it already is.
Maybe, just maybe, God has decided to give me a real balance of life and let me have it all this time. =)
Random thoughts of the day:
- tomorrow seems like a fun day! lunch at intercon, then the soon-to-be regular Tuesday Nights with Tina. I still cant get over the fact of last Tuesday’s events — me being ‘accused’ of flirting by this dutch guy, dancing, and then getting the invitation to spend the night at ali baba’s castle, hahaha! Major hacheche! For what seems to be the first time, I’m getting noticed in that sense. But I know myself too much and put so much value into those kinds of relationships so naturally, I turned them down. Hanghabahh ng hair ko!
So tomorrow, I set sail with Tina, and we’ll see if the magic works agai. Whatever magic that is!
- Collides ‘even the best fall down sometimes’ — my thoughts, yes, the best do fall down, but they get back up, quick at that matter. Id like to believe I have fallen so many times, in every aspect of my life and yet I emerge the winner that I am. I am just thankful that there is so much to be grateful for. And things just keep getting better for me.
- Hitting 30. No, I am not turning 30. It would be another 2 years. But last night I took a marrying age test and it said mine is 30! And to think, I was already preparing for this BIG BIG 30th birthday I would have IF I would still be single! As in it would be the best party of my life and probably outdo a wedding! I think that would be my wedding sort-of party. So now we have to wait and see if I would have a wedding or a big birthday bash two years from now!
- Mickey. I love love Mickey. Hes the greatest. Super nice and super polite and so makwento. I was even thinking to have the party this year coz by the time I turn 30, he might be back in Switzerland or be a big big star already, hahaha! Im so fond of him and wish to see him again soonest!
- Big Brother. Adik na kung adik, pero I should seriously give joining that thing some serious thought! hahaha! But maybe I should content myself to being at least a housemate for a day. At least nakausap ko si Kuya, hahaha!
- Life. My life, is just great. I cannot even find the right words for it. I know I do have my ups and downs, but the downs these days never seem to be enough to pop the big bright balloon that is my dream and happiness. I think finally I am finding balance. I think I am finally getting to find the real me simply because I am happy being me. Sure there are things I dont have and sometimes want to have, but over all I am great. I am happy that no longer do I post stories about my depression but rather I post stories about my travel, my life, the people I meet, the happiness I feel. I think really, last year was my lowest. And from that filth there was no other choice but to get up and clean the mess.
And now, I find a certain sense of peace within me. I am realizing that those things I dont have, I dont really need to live.
Im finding that there is a reason behind everything. And the reasons of my past I now come to understand.
I am happy.
Havent been on friendster much these days… and perhaps will eventually not check on it. Been too preoccupied with my facebook,haha! i love love facebook!
anyway, things have been doing well. i officially rest this week. thank god its a long weekend. Last week was hell week. at least the past two weeks have been, with the shell event and hp training and other things i had to do. Flew to cebu last thursday, got back on a saturday– flight back was turbulent — weird is, i like those flights coz i get sleepier! hahaha! basta ba safe landing!and went straight to shang for my brothers grad party which i had to fix. not to mention had to buy booze at landmark. so for short, super tired! after lying in bed i was deep asleep in 2minutes! and ive gotten used to pretty much living in hotels and suitcases the past months so it was easy for me to catch sleep. haaanggyaaabaaang!!! hahah!
anyway, this week has been lazy week. as in not in the mood for anything. but thank god its only a four-day workweek. and spent the thursday pretty much on the road -horrible traffic everywhere! but it was all worth it coz i got to spend 3hours in a spa… steam bath and massage… sarap! i fell asleep with my head being massaged — heaven!
this week is going to be another busy week. theres the shell manila event to fix, the invites to be resent (coz we cancelled coz of the holiday), the ongoing hp promo, and maybe i would have to help in hp event as well. all these culminates on oct26! then i have the other shell promo ending on the 30th which i would have to coordinate with dti for! not to mention the birthdays of my mom and coco… amidst this seemingly busy week/s ahead, im still hoping we got the sportsline project!!! crossing my fingers endlessly coz i REALLY want that project… aside from mickey, i just like the whole thing and the possible connections i can make out of it! i hope hope it turns out positive!!! =)
i realize too its only a few months before christmas. im already beginning to think what theme ill use for my christmas tree. i own it coz i decorate it, hehe! last year was all gold and white. so maybe this year i can inject a bit of red – or blue. depends on what i see out there. but before that, theres the halloween party at the office to think of. i wonder who ill come dressed as. hmmm…
over all my life is doing great. i travel, i meet people, and of course, i enjoy it! oh! i saw this javi sala guy again in cebu — wala lang. wishing him to be my MFEO? hacheche!!! but cebu is quite big a city to be seeing him twice everytime im there isnt it?! hay putting too much meeting into things nanaman ako. but oh well… i wonder when the next cebu trip is… then ill know, if i see that javi guy again 
My life is hectic but fun. pretty much how this post is. so many thoughts put in short paragraphs. coz theres always so much to think about in such a short amount of time. i think the 24hrs a day we have is beginning to seem too short for me! naks! ang busy!!! hahahaha!!!
While waiting for my cab to arrive, I decide to update this already boring site. haha!
Work has taken much of my time to pretty much do anything. Well, I do have time, but I rather spend them just plain talking to friends, going out or just sleeping. So here is an update.
Just got back from Cebu, pictures at http://seasonsgreetings.multiply.com since this friendster site seems to be very slow on pic uploading. Got to see the Pacman, haha! And saw guys… lots of guys! I think I have a better market share there than here actually! haha! The trip was long yet it didnt give me much time to see Cebu. I only got to see Magellans Cross and the Sto Nino Cathedral. Too bad I wasnt able to see Cebu’s beaches. But there should be a next time… Though the October trip will be shorter… Hopefully I get time to see something. Or see someone AGAIN! Please lord!!! hahaha!
Life’s busy and yet Im enjoying every single moment of it. The ups, downs and turn arounds. Tomorrow I meet with Big Brother staff, dahil bago akong housemate, chuwingkee! for an activity in the house. I cannot wait to meet Mickey! hahaha! ang cheap ko talaga. But so what. I like Mickey!
I think once August passes, September will just pass me by. Theres the HP Bip to organize, the Boot Camp, the Bohol/Bacolod/Surigao/etcetc trainings to do. Before I know it its October and by then I have to get Shell and my brother’s grad up and running. Oh well. No complaints here! Just trying to take it all in — a stride! Maybe if there was someone at the end of the day to ask how I was, mas ok, better if he sounded like ‘hola, mi amor…’ WAHAHAHAHA!!!
That guy at Vudu in Cebu last Saturday… I wonder who you are… We did just stare at each other but no one dare say anything. Ima’ chicken I know! kakagalet! But who knows, by some twist of fate, or destiny.. I see him again… Then if I do… SHA NA!!! hahahaha!!!
First post I make in months… and I decide to post this. Maybe its the weather, its a Friday, a long weekend, upcoming trip to Cebu, exciting things to look forward to and yet… I post this. Whatever the reason, perhaps something I’ve been trying to conceal, or trying to hide, seems to have found its way to resurface and remind me of things.
Loved this song because it was sung by Michael Buble, no less. Did not know it would have such an effect until I listened to each line. Sniff, sniff.
I am ok, happy with everything life is giving me right now. Everything I always wanted seems to finally be here. Except for one thing. I can only wish this hits home. In my dreams… hihi…
ALWAYS ON MY MIND
Maybe I didn’t treat you
Quite as good as I should have
Maybe I didn’t love you
Quite as often as I could have
Little things I should have said & done
I just never took the time
But you were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
Maybe I didn’t hold you
All those lonely, lonely times
And I guess I never told you
I’m so happy that you’re mine
If I made you feel second best
Girl, I’m sorry I was blind
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
Tell me, tell me that your
Sweet love hasn’t died
Give me, give me one more chance
To keep you satisfied
Satisfied
Little things I should have said & done
I just never took the time
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
Will be spending this week in Subic. Well, three days in Subic, overnight in Clark, and another in Tarlac for an HP convention. Yeheyyy!!!
I knew somehow the one week of staring into space and surfing the net had to be a sign of busy days ahead. Well, the busy period is starting to trickle. And I am seeing that in the next weeks, the seeming drizzle will be a downpour of some sorts. But, nothing against it. I am loving it, especially since I am getting to do a lot of travelling.
I have been looking forward to this Subic trip with Tina! I hope hope we do get to go around despite the busy schedule to at least shop for chocolates at the freeport. And a little spam and the brand of deodorant I prefer which I can only get at big duty free areas. I hope too that, we get to meet people, aside from the people we will be working with, who will be fun and make the whole trip exciting, hahaha!
Well the week awfully started slow, with the pending meeting with a guy Cereb (last name not palsy,haha) wanted to match with me. Well, I did meet him. And now I know why I am single. I am awfully, awfully picky and choosy. As if sinong maganda weno?! But this guy, well… he wasnt really my type despite the interesting stories I have heard. Ok, interesting may not be the operative word here. haha! But none the less, he wasnt that bad. Only, wasnt my type. I guess I do need some spark for me to be interested. Remember that guy I approached in Havana? The first time I get to gather enough courage to approach someone, he turns out to be gay!!! CRrrrraaaapp! Well bottomline, I need to be attracted to him physically before I get past the stage of ‘do I like him or not’ stage. Thing is, if I get attracted, I clam up like a shell and be too scared to say anything afraid of seeing myself blushing. Or afraid he will notice I like him right away. I am sooooo transparent. Even when I dont like someone. It shows. So there goes that potential mate. Though due to certain circumstances I did advice Cereb that if he asks, sure, I will go out with him. Who knows, we never know if the first date would be better than the introduction…
What else do I write about? errr… Tomorrow we will be celebrating Noa’s 4th birthday. When I see her and Dani I just wonder when I’ll have my own daughter. Much more a husband like Roger (ro-schey) who’s so doting as a dad and a sweetie but really protective of Dani. Somewhat like parallel lives perhaps. I see Dani living so much of the things I want to do. Dancing being on top. But well, we all have perks in living each of our lives. I love my life coz I get to do pretty much what I love and slowly, but surely, getting the things I want. Seems like God was listening to me when I said I’d rather have the latest HP tablet pc than a bf! Calling Tes… lol… I hope THAT works out well so at least I’ll get a notebook by end of the year…chuwingkeee…
Well, thats about it. I have to get up early to pick up those cute cupcakes I ordered specially for Noa’s birthday. And do a little shopping for the things I need to bring for the trip and attend the party. Too bad I’ll miss Mickey-G-ann-Bodie show tomorrow…hahah! i love them… feeling housemate kasi ako… haha i love mickey more. I think I’m having a thing for Mickeys! Buble first and now Perz. hahaha! bahhhduuyyy!!!
And oh! you there, I may not have th courage to tell you straight but at least I say it somehow (spares me the humiliation of sounding too pathetic). Even though I know you won’t even know I remember, or think that I refused to remember, well, I still wish YOU a Happy, happy Birthday!
